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  • Ellen Pope

I'm talking small boobs and big butts, i can not lie

Ever since I could read my mums Bella magazine, or finally understand what was going on in Cosmopolitan magazine, I've been bombarded with images ‘helping’ me decide which segment of “body type” I should fit into. 



Are you a triangle, a square, an apple, a pear, hourglass, ruler, avocado….fuck me. 


I could fit into many of the above depending on how much cheese, ice cream or garlic bread I have consumed over a set period. 


Post 30, I have learnt that one thing may never change and that is this. I have small boobs and a big arse. An unusual combination I have always felt. For many years I believed I had got the shitty end of the stick for both body types. Ladies who usually are not so blessed in the breast department are slender. Ladies who have the boobies, typically have the butt. 


I felt like a shite Centaur, half curves, half petite, and not quite in the “hot pornstar” way. 


I did once in my teens wonder if I hung upside down like a bat if my tummy would magically appear in my tits. Note ladies: You’ll feel sick if you do this. 


So this is a blog for all women, but an extra Popey cuddle to the women, who like me sit in the lower end of the cup sizes, but the bigger end of the butt sizes, because this is extra special - and I am about to fill your minds with why. 


I get to go to Waitrose without my bra on.


If you see me out and about in THAT Ivy Park hoodie, I am almost definitely bra-less. I don’t think, “oh shit, what if people notice”, because my pert little rosebuds of boobage are perfectly fine under there. I spend 80% of my life without a bra. Who needs a bra?! There is something liberating knowing that you have just bought hummus from as unsupported as a night in bed with me, and the cashier never knowing. 


The Marks and Spencer Bra Sale is the TITS. 


Oh yes. My entire life I have never really won anything. The lingerie sale at M&S though is my Olympic 100m final. Why?, because the benefits of being built like an All Black Prop and not carrying the matching cuppage is THOSE are the bras that are left. Pah! I get the lacy sexy shizzle, and I have only paid £4.50 for it. Move out of the way; I have arm fulls of bras to pay for. The same applies to bikini tops btw.


You still have the butt that can drive men wild


From rib cage down, I am all meat. I am Porterhouse. Which has allowed me over time to realise if you wave that bit around, when in the company of certain individuals at that particular time (aka that bloke/in bed/floor/ whatever floats your boat), they have no idea you have taken off your extra padded M&S bras (see point 2), throw it on the floor and nobody is none the wiser. 


That it is a fantastic body shape


Never be ashamed of you. You’re all amazing.

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Miss Pope is part of the Ellen Pope Communications Brand

Ellen Pope is a freelance copywriter, marketing consultant and food magazine editor

You can contact Ellen on ellen@ell

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